| the final to clear |
[23 Sep 2005|05:39pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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So , to make clear last entery, i just dont want to use this anymore. things get warped betweened readers. Just see me, call me if you want to talk to me. Things just are getting taken weirdly , what i write here.
But i will make one last comment. In one recent death, I have finally been freed of another death. Travi's ghost has finally been laid to rest in an interesting way but it is nice. This sense of calm is wonderfull and It has freed up a lot of things in me that have just been held below for so very long. This is something that is a very good thing for me. I've been trying to let go for 3 1/2 years. now i have finally let go. *smiles*
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[12 Sep 2005|04:37pm] |
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this is the last of this. you are all reading too much into this. and it is just time to be over. goodbye . talk to me in oersoin if you want but no more of this.
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| changing life |
[02 Sep 2005|10:28am] |
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mood |
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tears |
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music |
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coldplay x.y |
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i need to get out. i need my own. its like raping my own soul to open up to live here at this point. i am a private person. i need my own space and i decided a month ago that def. wanted to get a 1 bdr apt. but now i feel bad to tell them that considering jeff just told me he wouldnt be resigning the lease. i feel bad for dave now. i am really tempted to ask mellissa if after my lease on the 1 bdr apt is up and i have my cna if i can move down there with her and the baby. i need to get out. to restart somewhere. this place holds too much shit for me. i just need to move away and restart so badly. id only feel horrible for leaving my family but i need out so bad. so much shit has happened and ive been responsible for it all but i just want to pick up leave and restart. i feel like i cant be here anymore. mellissa if you read this at all maybe think about it. id help with rent and zoe and everything. i love ya girls and just need to get away from seattle for a while. a good while once i get my shit together. your the only one i can think of to go to and ask that lives somewhere far from here. i need to take care of me. i havent in a while. and i really wish i could hold a relationship. sometimes even i need to be loved and have someone to hold on to. but as said. there is so many bad memories here. i dont talk much about my own private life to anyone really that no one knows much. sorry . but that my private life. i just want to be anywhere but here right now.
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| no sleep for the bonnie |
[01 Sep 2005|10:42am] |
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so, its thursday now. since 9pm sunday night ive only gotten 3 1/2 hours of sleep. my brain is seriously to the tweekin out stage from lack of sleep. damn insomnia. but i have acomplished so much. and now i am going to help another person. loaning the money'ies. hes good for it though so this time its ok. and he needs help so what more can i say then ill help. at least he had the balls to ask.
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[31 Aug 2005|01:24pm] |
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sometimes the smell of male is comforting. and makes me have a funny little smile cause i have his shirt and yum. i like the smell. ok that was the girl in me. yes i am one.
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| gotta love working |
[29 Aug 2005|08:10am] |
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3 shifts into 7 days and im at 42 hours already. can we say overtime. and that pay is what makes it all worth it. well the paycheck actually but you work to get into overtime. that is the key to this game.
and i am helping someone move today. she needs the help to move and shes a good girl. everyone needs help sometimes. this shall be fun .
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| Zoe |
[26 Aug 2005|03:24pm] |
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My little one is so damn cute and i miss her and my favorite mama. Zoe is so damn adorable.
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| fresh meat |
[26 Aug 2005|12:21pm] |
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mood |
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 devious |
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So, theres a yummy new waiter in the frog. Just oohh.... can i take you to bed type yum. Since I'm getting rid of all the old toys i may have to aqquire a few new ones and this new waiter brett would definatly fit the bill. Fun and my evil female ways shall prevail. Heh... I'm just such a funny character.... Sorry, sex on the mind. Havent got laid in a day and a half. My apologies to all
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| Steve:Part II |
[23 Aug 2005|10:44am] |
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mood |
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 irritated |
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music |
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Portishead |
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Oh man. Finished off things with steve last night. Good times, I was quite amused at least. Seriously, getting bitch slapped by a naked man is pretty hilarious . ah you had to have been there but trust me, what i said was cruel/mean enough to a point where i deserved it, Shit i might have been tempeted to if the situation was vice versa. But c'mon, i got to my car and just had a grand laugh. Twas amusing.
Edit to this post:
Having a bit of time, I have another thing to say on that one. Fucking not cool. I laugh at first out of what the hell... wow but now . Just, no. And he texts me saying sorry. I dont think so steve. You dare to do that and expect me to go back on my statment of never call me again. THat means I dont want to ever see or talk to you again. I'm not one to go back on what I say. You should know that. Even the fuck toys should know that much about me.
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| rock my day mike |
[22 Aug 2005|11:06am] |
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comment mike made to me as i was leaving. don't get me wrong, you're awesome and a gorgeous girl but you're fucking crazy.
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[19 Aug 2005|09:10pm] |
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whidbey island. tell me how far the trip is not its not that far. seriously people. that was much longer than i thought it was going to be . but it is nice over there. very relaxing. and chilly
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[15 Aug 2005|11:32am] |
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125 hours in the last two weeks. so thats where I've been. It explains a lot.
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| Twinsy |
[14 Aug 2005|06:01pm] |
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So, my twinsy, jeff. He is trying to be good to me. Trying to make up for being such a dick of late. which is good. I am happier to see him a bit more with the real world. He;s just been so different lately (i.e. a moronic whoring shitstick) but i'm going to keep my fingers crossed and hope this is a 'for the long run' type of change. I like this twin better than the one ive had to deal with recently. But maybe join the army......
p.s. My stomach is killing me from this weeks drinking binge. arg....
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[12 Aug 2005|05:47pm] |
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so i got out of the shower at steves and im in the kithchen . he comes in and stands there looking at me . you are one very cold female of late, was his comment. now isnt that an interesting comment.
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[09 Aug 2005|09:07pm] |
So, i htink I am coming back. I feel like the last three weeks i really havent been me. Just off and being sucked dry by so many people in my life. And honestly, I'm still pissed at jon but oh well. Tis no more. He keeps calling wanting to talk but i tried that and no, no more. I wont do it. ah it is still bugging me but that just needs time and space to heal.
On another note, i got my girls all a raise. Yes. my demands were actually met. shocking that my boss actually listned to me for once. We just dont see eye to eye but yes this is good. They should all be happy to hear about the raise. I'm good.
( I just really wish people would just live up tp what they say once in a while . It would be nice)
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[08 Aug 2005|09:56am] |
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The last week and a half has been hellishly fun, bso much shit going on and arg . last night just topped it off. Entirely and totally nixxed Jonathen. That pretty much really really sucked doing and all aorund bhas just sucked for the last three weeks. See, thats what happens when I get to close to Guys. Shit blows up in my face. Reminder to self. Dont do it. Ah well. other than that just topping off a loong week, im a little stress ball and just need a fucking outlet but my mind doesnt want to let me have one. thank you up there. my head really is fun some times .
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| My Moment. |
[23 Jul 2005|10:43pm] |
sometimes i swear i have moments in time in which i feel utterly dead emotionally inside on a level. like i care about people. i help, blah blah blah. i can get angry. have anger inside but thats old old shit. but there are times when i feel like on a personal level, i really feel freaking empty at moments. i know you all will will go thats not you bonnie but you are not inside my head now are you ? i just have moments of emptyness and its like being on top of a mountain and looking out and feeling nothing even though you are surrounded by beauty in its true and pure form. You see everything and yet feel nothing. my moment.
Do not reply to this. It is not for you to comment upon.
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| Boo! |
[16 Jul 2005|11:34pm] |
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Ahh...quiz happy..............
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